therapeutic thursdays: ask nikolett

It's almost the weekend, and all I'm thinking about is schoolwork and stress and just wanting to see Leap Year already. But I'm also thinking about your questions! About half of them had to do with advice, while the other half were personal questions about me. So I'm going to divide it into two sections, whoopah!

Welcome to the first edition of Ask Nikolett!

I'm no Oprah or an advice columnist, but I do have a whole lot of coffee in my system and I am taking an Oprah seminar, so I'm slowing learning her ways (bwahaahaha). But here goes with your questions :) Hopefully you find the answers therapeutic and if not then, umm ... ...

So in your opinion after a bad break up, how do you get your heart back in line with your head? - Witty

It's hard, that's for sure. Everyone around you keeps telling you so many different things (there's plenty of fish in the sea, 'he/she was a jerk anyways') until there's so much going on in your head. Your heart, on the other hand, is still damaged. According to Sex and the City (I think), it takes you twice as long as your relationship to get over someone. I don't think it's necessarily true, but it does take a while to sort through the thoughts in your head before you can even begin to fix the heart.

In my opinion, it all came down to realizing what went wrong, what caused the break-up. Instead of focusing on all the great things (oh, but he/she was so good to me!) I thought about what we did, on both our parts, to cause the relationship to go sour. Then, I try to work on the heart. It's hurt, because of all the things you've put it through ... but once you realize that you're most likely better off without this person, your heart can begin to mend. Tell yourself you deserve better (because you do!), and you'll believe it. And then, your heart can start to believe it.

Assuming that time (lots of time) isn't healing this particular wound, how do you get over a great lost love? -notthatkindofgirlblog

OK, so I put these two questions next to each other for a reason. Because I don't believe you can ever really get over a lost love. You can realize that maybe you weren't great for each other, and maybe you'll find that next person who makes you so much happier, but there will always be wounds there from previous lost loves. I don't think it's necessarily a matter of trying to heal the wound, but to get to that point where you don't mind that it's there. It's a battle scar, something you got through that hopefully made you stronger in the end.

Instead of focusing on how much time has gone by or about the person who caused that wound, though, just think about how much your life has changed since you got that wound. Our minds always tend to go back to the people in our past to the point where it can be hard to completely forget that person, but just remember that things happened for a reason, and be happier today about where you are.

My question is... well, my boyfriend is flushing out the gophers from the yard, but I think gophers are so adorable, how do I stop him from doing that? And if I do stop him from flushing out the gophers, how do I make the gophers leave? - Cheryl

I simultaneously laughed out loud and went "aww" at this question. And then it reminded me of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets when the Weasley brothers flung out gnomes from their backyard by whipping them over the fence. But yes. Apparently, you can pour some undiluted liquid Lysol concentrate into their tunnels they go away...they don't like that smell at all. As well, fencing in the area is the best way to get rid of gophers (according to this site). And on the single comment on that site, the girl recommends getting a pet to poop in gopher holes. But if you don't have a pet, I'd suggest getting your boyfriend to poop in the holes as a payback for him flushing them out like that. Karma is a biatch? But yes, I just spend the last 15 minutes researching gophers, and I hoped that helped somewhat. Good luck!

You forget you have a date with a real hot guy, in 5 minutes. You haven't showered, brushed your teeth, shaved ( LOL) and prepared clothes to wear, what do you do?- Andhari

Instead of having a major panic attack and/or cancelling the date (which I think would be the most common answer to this), I would say -- make sure you brush your teeth (that way, even if you don't look your nicest, at least you have amazing breath and can impress him with your hot make-out skills). Next, I'd suggest buying dry shampoo, that way your hair can at least look a little less greasy. Next: wear pants and a shirt that won't reveal your armpit hairs. To find this, I'd say either go into your closet and look for your favourite go-to outfit or run to the laundry room (if you have one) and grab whatever is clean (and dry!). Finally, wear deodorant and spritz on your favourite perfume to mask any odour. If you still have a few extra seconds and you happen to have a bare face, I'd say just put on some moisturizer and your favourite lipgloss. Et voila! ... hopefully that takes 5 minutes.

TWO OTHER OPTIONS: You can be a girl who makes the guy wait half an hour for you. But he might be more impressed that you got ready in less than five minutes. Or, you can make sure your date is in a dark area with lots of smelly candles (ooh la la).

-- Okay, I just rambled hardcore. Now onto the 'personal' questions, which were pretty random and I love them.

As for my question, this is cliche, but I want to know where you see yourself 10 years from now :) - krissy

Hopefully alive and still enjoying my coffee addiction, haha. It's so weird trying to picture myself as a 31-year old ... not because it's old, but because so much can happen in your 20s, methinks. Hopefully I'll be with someone who I love and who loves me, and maybe enjoying a steady, happy career and having a wee little one running around in my backyard full of an amazing garden and a gazebo (I love gazebos). Might be a cliche answer, but it's true :)

What are some qualities about yourself that you really love....and how do you think you attained them? {...experience..just in your nature...or someone gave you huge words of wisdom once that you took to heart}- Iva

Oh wow ... umm, I guess I like the idea that I've able to do so many things at once. I don't mean multi-task, but just that I try to do so many hobbies (graphics design, writing, playing instruments, etc). I think I've gotten that from my mom, who can be knitting, cooking, and playing video games all in one day. And I've started to appreciate how sensitive I can be ... my friend told me that it's not bad that I'm sensitive to things in life, because it makes me more understanding, plus I can try to help others out. Hence ... ask Nikolett? Haha.  

If your boyfriend asks you to buy a lingerie and surprise him, what kind will you buy? Explain. - Andhari

So-so-so scandalous! (5 points to whoever knows that song.) Interestingly enough, when The Boy went away for a month for vacation, he missed my birthday. When he came back, he had a present for me: my first set of lingerie. Since then, I've just bought myself slips that are comfy. But if I were to go on a lingerieque shopping spree, I'd choose anything with lace, a little femininity (and absolutely no leather), and nothing with a thong. I'm sorry, I know the guys love it, but it just hurts my bum-oley. 

I find that something on the left breaks the stereotype of black-and-red lingerie, plus it shows off the cleavage while still leaving a little to the imagination. Plus, it'd be comfy while still giving off a sexy flair.

And I've found that looking at lingerie websites in a student center is probably not the best idea -- LOTS of stares from people walking by. And on that note ...

How long have you and the boy been dating? - Nicole

One year and 8 months. It'll be two years in May, though it feels like it's been longer (and I mean that in a good way!).

Do you think that life exists on other planets?- Manju

I adore you, Manju. I do believe that at least one person lives on each planet. For example, I think Sailor Saturn lives on Saturn until she came to earth because she realized it was too cold on her home planet. And Sailor Pluto came because well ... her living area is no longer declared a 'planet' (poor thing).

In all honesty, I'd like to think there would be some other species (whether it's human or otherwise) on other planets in some distant galaxy. I've watched too much sci-fi TV shows and movies to not have some suspcision that there might be. 

What is your absolute favorite activity? - Ocean Dreams

This. Is. So. Hard. My absolute favourite? Would probably be ... being with people. Not necessarily physically, but in any aspect. That's not to say I don't cherish my alone time, because I do. But I like having relationships with people. Talking with people on the blogosphere has been amazing, talking on the phone with The Boy is always a favourite time of day, and being with friends makes me happy. I love having that connection, so any time I get to be with someone is a favourite activity.

You could pick 3 celebrities to have sexy times with and your boyfriend isn't allowed to complain, who would you choose? - Andhari {I'll answer your other ones next time!}

When I read this question to my boyfriend, he replied with, "Please don't tell me who you choose" (since I know he'll secretly compare himself to them). But he didn't complain about me choosing, so here goes:

Henry Cavill, Matthew Goode, and Jensen Ackles/Tom Welling.

Henry for: his accent, his smirk, and his body (unf at that first Tudors episode)!

Matthew for: his charm, his accent, and his goofy expressions.

Jensen/Tom: for their shirtlessness. And being super(natural) and super(man).

Thanks for asking all these questions! Please let me know if you like this little installment -- I'll probably be doing it once a month if you do ... or umm, once a year if you don't.

Hope you've found these answers either therapeutic or laugh-worthy (because laughing is therapy, haha).

And be happy: the weekend is almost here!