therapeutic thursdays: comfort

A cupcake a day would probably bring an eternal stomachache, a few too many extra pounds, and would make you take cupcakes for granted. By having it once a week, once a month, or just once in a while it becomes something special, something that brings comfort.

And when the weather was disgustingly miserable and that time of the month kicked in with its punches to the gut (too much information?), having a banana caramelo cupcake this past Tuesday was the ultimate comfort I needed to take my mind off of pain, off of the weather, and just concentrate on something delicious.

My cupcake before and midway through, when I became sad that I only had one haha.

When times are rough, when there's too many things on your mind, I think it's so important to take a step back, shake yourself off, and emerge yourself into something you truly enjoy and brings you comfort to push you that extra mile and encourage you to keep going. Whether it's a walk in the park, being with your friends, taking out your camera and just taking pictures of what you see, reading a book, blasting your favourite song and making up a dance routine in your bedroom, taking a drive to somewhere you've never been before, or something food-related (yum). It could be something you haven't done in a while (for me, that's shaking the dust off my guitar and playing a tune). Or my ultimate favourite 'thing' that brings me comfort: bearhugs.

I've been making a list lately of what's better than coffee (something I attempted once on this blog and never did again, whoopsies) inspired by "The Book of Awesome." The first two things on that list are definitely #1) bearhugs and #2) cupcakes.

I feel like I'm cheating by putting cupcakes on the list since I was enjoying a coffee with my cupcake, but shhhh.

And #3) on that list of what's better than coffee are countdowns - it's officially sixteen days until I fly off to Vancouver! Whoopah! Having that moment to think about these things, to enjoy a yummy treat or a tight squeeze from someone you love, to have that satisfactory moment when the countdown turn from double digits to single digits, gives me comfort and happiness when the weather looks like this:

April showers I understand, but please go away fog and crazy gusts of wind.

I wish you all an abundance of cupcakes and bearhugs, and something to look forward to (maybe a countdown to the weekend or nicer weather?). Now, I have to ask:

What brings you comfort?
What's that thing you do
to make you feel better?

Hope you all have a great weekend!

therapeutic thursdays: celebrating

Just a note: Next Thursday I'll be answering any of the Ask Nikolett questions, so if you're seeking advice or have want-to-know-more-about-me inquiries, ask them here!

There are moments where you've just accomplished something - whether it be finishing up some assignment for school, doing something for work, or successfully completing a recipe. But often, we jump right into the next thing and don't give ourselves a moment to catch our breath (unless it's eating the finished product from the recipe, then life is good).

Being in school tends to bring out the worst in me - I finish one paper and automatically have to start another one, and then I take that moment of completion for granted and then turn into a paper-writing zombie (where instead of saying braaaainssss I just go my braaaaain huuuuurts). 

So I say, once you've completed something? Celebrate. However you choose to (as long as it's safe?) - whether it be going out with friends, treating yourself to a drink, staying in and watching a movie with a loved one, or, a usual choice with me -- sleeping. How do you celebrate after accomplishing something? Don't be afraid to pat yourself on the back sometimes. And take a ton of pictures to document said celebration.

Much thanks to everyone who gave me and my friend well wishes for our thesis presentation today! It actually went fairly well and afterward? We went to the campus restaurant and ate like crazy ladies (since before the presentation we were afraid to eat anything). A fine celebration, methinks. And of course, lots of picture documenting happened:

We unintentionally matched our presentation outfits - a plaid button-up dress for me, and a plaid skirt for her. And it worked since our presentation deals with chess (plaid-type pattern on the board! ooo /nerd).

A little look at the 'profile' page on our thesis - we converted chess pieces into characters.

Celebrating with some Harry Potter sauce?

(No joke, whenever I see a HP printer, I think of Harry Potter.
I hope I'm not alone in this. /double nerd)

Having some Picadilly Fish & Chips - beer-battered haddock, fries, and tartar sauce. Mmmm.

 I promise, this brownie dessert was a lot larger when it was first served to us.

And now a moment worthy of LiLu's recently retired but amazingly awesome TMI Thursdays. I was digging around in my bag at the restaurant and then found a smushed up muffin that I ate a part of and then stowed away in a ziploc bag -- I meant to finish eating it at school but it slipped my mind. 

The next thing I know, my friend goes, "Put it in the water!" So I did, and then she threw in some ketchup ... and HP sauce ... and mustard ... and ... this is the result (WARNING: might make you feel nauseous, as that's the effect it had on me): 

Before and after ... don't say I didn't warn you! We are odd people.

And in addition to a satisfying meal (err, apart from the water) and completing a thesis presentation, I won a free coffee - so this day is automatically good :)

Tomorrow I'm starting a bit of a new segment here that hopefully you'll enjoy ... or will just make you think I'm mad bonkers, either or! Hope you've had a great week so far!

therapeutic thursdays: the past

{found via Tumblr}

I'm sure you've heard all the sayings. Forget about the past, focus on the now and the future. You get reminders: "Don't dwell in the past." or "You'll get stuck in the past if you think about it too long." or "Why can't you let go of the past?" 

But people tend to often forget that looking back at the past might not necessarily be a bad thing. You look back on the past to see how far you've come, see what accomplishments you've achieved. You look back to recall fond memories and, though you know you won't be able to re-create them, hopefully you can make new memories that are just as good, if not better.

I'll admit, The Lion King taught me valuable lessons about the past (and is responsible for one of my favourite movie scenes of all time -- seriously, watch it!). You can either run from it, or learn from it. Don't regret it. And, sometimes you might find that you can even celebrate the past in the present. For instance: birthdays. You're celebrating the day you were born however many years ago by celebrating each year on that day. Memories from previous birthdays will probably come flooding in - some good, some bad - but you can learn from it and smile about them. 

This week, I'm in a looking back mood, in fondness and in celebration. I wrote a post about my MUSE concert that I know I'll come back and re-read time and time again and be happy about that night. I wrote about sugar highs and how good it feels to be a kid again. Even in my Wednesday Wish post, I reminisced about seeing a movie with my sister, who I miss so much, but who I cherish memories with.

Well, today and tomorrow, I'm celebrating two years of knowing The Boy. We met, March 18th, two years ago on the city bus. (Technically, it was the week before but we only smiled at each other then, we didn't actually speak to each other.) March 18th was the day he sat down next to me on the bus (after we realized we were in the same night class) and we said, "Hi", had some easy-going conversation, and then ... he asked me out for coffee the next day. (The magic words?) 

So, while it's still an early 'tradition', we try to revisit the coffee place we went to on our first 'get to know each other' hang out, that led to two months of friendship and then a relationship. It's something that happened in the past, but something that's affected my present state so deeply, that I think it's worthy of looking back on and celebrating.

Of course, live in the now and don't dwell on the past to the point of misery. 

But look back, smile, learn, and carry on. :) 

What memories do you like to look back on?

of love and latte

Note from Nikolett: Well, this week has been a whirlwind. Not only did I see MUSE this past Monday (pretty much the most amazing concert I've ever been to), but I've had five papers due in five days. Talk about pressure, eh? Buuut, today we have the amazing Krissy to remind us that on Thursdays, it's worth it to be therapeutic (or TMI, whatever suits your fancy!). Please welcome the amazing, stylish and sweet Krissy who shares some thoughts on love ... and lattes :) And while the scarf giveaway is now closed (winner will be announed on Sunday), you can feel free to join my sister's giveaway here!

*****

When Nikolett asked for guest posters in one of her posts, I instantly volunteered to be one. I know how swamped she is with schoolwork (been there, done that) and I am kinda glad I am through all those stuff. Being a friend, it's my pleasure to be of help. I racked my brains for a possible topic to blog (because of course I wanted my first guest post to be awesome) so I thought of something we can all relate to.

Before I go on, let me share with you this essay which is from the chic-lit book "The Break up Diaries" written by Filipina author Maya O. Calica.

"Of Love and Latte"

Could the recipe for true love be as simple as brewing the perfect latte?

One hopelessly romantic barista serves up some answers.

I've been asked to write an article about love. About finding it, losing it, and maybe finding it again. Bet you're wondering what qualifies me to do such. Unfortunately, I am no love doctor with a Ph.D. in Romance Physics nor an M.A. in Relationship Chemistry. I have had my heart broken just once, so technically I do not qualify as an expert by virtue of my vast experiences.

What do I know?

Well, let me tell you that I can mix you a mean cafe latte. I am a barista. In all the summers I've logged in at my aunt's cafe, seriving up cappuccinos and espressos, I have learned a thing or two about that thing called love. Just like coffee, both require a certain amount of care to ensure it is brewed to perfection. You will need the following:

- Water, purified of all fear of "what if he leaves me?" or "what if he's not Mister Right?"
- A certain measure of diversity - be it in the form of coffee beans or unique personalities - combined in an airtight container that will allow pressure to build up

- A man and a woman, preferably hot for each other (or with the potential of warming up to at least the prospect of friendship

Now, bring to a boil. In barista-speak, this is the moment when water and ground coffee first make contact, the former extracting flavors from the latter, in a manner that will drip and percolate for you an aromatic cup of espresso.

In courtship terms, this is when boy-meets-girl, when the first blush of infatuation floats up to the surface. This can take anywhere from 22 seconds to 22 months, depending on the temperature set on your machine. Agitate the coffee further with Saturday night movie dates, text messages embellished with smiley faces and animated teddy bears, cute phone calls at 1am involving favorite colors, move-defining-moments and soul mates, and stolen first kisses. (That last one is my favorite.)

Now, with the velvety-smooth froth of friendship, sweeten with promises kept, and you've got yourself the perfect cafe latte. Right? Well, not exactly.

In my experience, I know that no matter how you faithfully follow a recipe to the letter, you don't always get the perfect cup of joe each time. Love - that other four-letter word I know - is much harder to concoct than coffee.

At some point, you'll learn that no matter how hard you play by the rules, make all the right moves and try to be Ms. Perfect In Every Way, you don't always get the results you hoped for.

Or the guy you pinned for, for that matter. Because when reality rears its disappointing, pink-bubble-bursting head, you'll realize Life doesn't always play out the way you wished it would.

The dude who once adored your lattes can snap out of it and proclaim that you're no longer his cup of cappuccino. Just. Like. That.

Suddenly, you find that all that's left is a mug half-filled with day-old coffee that's cold and stale and depressing. So you cry, you curse, you deny, you blame, you rewind, you wish and pray a novena to every saint you know that things go back to exactly the way they were. And no matter how often you kneel in Baclaran or how many candles you light at morning mass, your instant replay never happens.

So what do you do? You wipe away your tears, take your cup and empty it of all its contents. Rinse it under a running tap, making sure all traces of stains along the rim and down its side as well as leftover grounds at the bottom are washed away.

Then, you start over. First, scoop yourself a generous batch of mountain-grown roasts, finely ground so that every granule is bursting with the prospect of new adventures, experiences and relationships. Pour water purified of all your bitterness, rejection and self-pity.

Now, press 'brew'. As you hear the machine whir, gurgle and sputter to life, close your eyes. Revel in the heady aroma of fresh coffee in the throes of being born. You may not see it yet, but just by inhaling its sweetness, you hold the promise of good things to come in your heart the way you would a silent prayer. You dream of a cup so wonderful, so richly golden brown, encircled by a lush ring of crema so perfect you can already taste it.

And the moment you hear it streaming into your cup, you realize why you had to give up that last brew. Something much better was on its way to you. 

And you'll be thankful you waited. Because you know in your bones, in your heart of hearts, that this one's going to be a keeper. And you wonder why it took so long for you to realize that.

But then again, better latte than never.

What inspired this post? Aside from keeping with the theme of Nikolett's blog name, this goes a little bit more personal. For the uninitiated, I am in a "relationship" with a guy wherein we are kinda like a real couple but then again not really because we haven't agreed on a formal commitment yet. We were a couple before (after being really good friends ever since we met) but then he did something really bad and I did not talk to him for five months (even though we are in the same team at work and we see each other all the time). He apologized last February, we became friends again, and then this "relationship" sorta crept in. 

It suited me just fine as I thought so long as we are happy, then we do not need any labels to define us. Exclusively dating, yes, I think is the most appropriate term. Except there are times I kinda wish for something more, you know? Think of Tom and Summer's "relationship" in 500 Days of Summer. Yep, that is the movie version of our story, except in this case ironically I am Tom and he is Summer. I wrote in my journal before, "I don't know if I am gearing up for a  wonderful love story or whether I should prepare myself for a major heartbreak."

This post has actually been through a major overhaul. I wrote this earlier telling all about how he and I had an awful fight that led to a "break up". We agreed to meet earlier today to talk about it, and guess what, we actually patched things up and decided to see where this takes us. 

So, am I strong enough to stay for the long haul? I don't know. But for now, I think I am. Maybe, just maybe, he is the love story I have been waiting for. :)

-------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for sharing that bit from that book and your own personal experiences, Krissy *hugs*

Annnd I can't wait to come back to you all (most likely on Saturday or Sunday). I've missed you all & your blogs! Hope you have a great rest of the day and a good start to your weekend!

therapeutic thursdays: ask nikolett #2

It's time for another:

 

This time, it's just a few random questions which is good since I really want to watch the women's figure skating, with only a couple of advice-related questions but I hope you enjoy 'em nevertheless. I'll probably make a permanent Ask Nikolett post so you can continuously ask questions and about once a month I'll pluck 'em out and answer them! Yahoos! And I'm going to have a small giveaway soon before all the lovely guest blogs, so stay tuned for that, too!

 

What is love? - Little Miss Tiara

Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me ... no more~ I remember in high school when I was a part of video club and we had this whole segment in our end-of-the-year video where we got people to sing that song and ... anyhoos, off-topic! I think love is probably one of the most complicated topics of our world ... so much poetry, songs, books written about love. 

To me, personally, love is something that can often get blown out of proportion, or can be severely underrated. With my relationship with The Boy, love doesn't mean being in that 'honeymoon stage', but rather finding something new to care about every day. It's about making those feelings last, getting through the hardships together because you love each other. Love is holding on even when the ship starts to sink a little, because you know it will sail again. Enough cheesy analogies, hehe. It's comfortable with just the right amount of daily excitement. And from personal experience, love is having a relationship with more happy times than sad (or as I like to put, more happy tears than sad tears). Love is a many-splendoured thing, love lifts us up where we belong, all we need is love ;)

 How do you get yourself studying when the fear of failure is too much because there are too many expectations attached to it? - Nahl

Story of my life, right now. I've felt like giving up on studying on so many occasions lately because of fear of failure but there are certain things I try to keep in mind to motivate myself, which hopefully work for you:  

1) Do it for yourself ... not doing the studying at all is guaranteed to make you fail anyway, so do it for yourself to satisfy yourself and say, yes, I got through this ... make that a reward rather than all the other expectations;  

2) Remind yourself why you're doing it ... getting through the studying/assignments/tasks ahead of you is a choice only you can make. I've found myself crying because I felt I would disappoint my parents with my results ... but again, you have to do it for yourself; 

3) Try to find fun in it. I know that might seem impossible with so many due dates and the like. Most of the time though, we're able to choose what subject we're studying, so try to remember why you like that subject so much and try to find the fun in it, rather than automatically thinking about the end result. Hope this helps!

If you could compare the boy to a movie character, which one resembles his personality the most? - Jessica

Oh man, this was a toughie. When I asked him the question, he actually said Jim Carrey (no lie) and I have no clue why ... and then I re-asked the question and he realized what I meant, haha. Together we decided on a mix of Jonathan Trager from Serendipity and Aragorn from the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

Jonathan Trager because of the serendipitous way that me and The Boy met ... it wasn't necessarily love at first sight (since I don't believe in that), but it was new and exciting. Jonathan seems to find delight in the little things (figure-skating, drawing constellations on arms), much like The Boy does. Aragorn, on the other hand, is a bad-ass who people take for granted. Half of the first movie is spent with people underestimating him until they found out he's the true King. I find it's the same way with The Boy ... people underestimate him because he's an immigrant, but he's accomplished so much. And, like Aragorn, he has a tough exterior but a lovey-dovey side, like with Arwen.

Oh, and I'm also throwing in a touch of Borat, because The Boy is a little crazy and has an accent, haha.

What's the stupidest thing you did done when you were drunk? - Andhari

In all honesty, I've only been drunk about twice in my life ... the most recent one was the charity ball earlier this month where I apparently snorted-while-laughing a lot plus kept saying, "Ja? JA!" repeatedly (I sound like a hyperactive mess haha). 

But the stupidest thing was probably going out either The Boy's birthday or his friend's at this restaurant-entertainment place and I was really heavily tipsy. There was a hanging light from the ceiling, so I kept touching and poking it until it started swinging and went, "Whoooooa." Then, I saw another light coming into my eyes from somewhere else but I thought it was me and went, "Woooow so many liiiiights" but, it was actually the bouncer flashing his flashlight at me to get me to stop what I was doing ... ahh, so lame. A pretty tame story I know, but that's probably the stupidest thing!

What would your dream wedding be like? - Little Miss Tiara

Haha, my sister answered this perfectly in the comment below this question: "she has no idea, I'm planning it", which is pretty much true! In all honesty, I haven't given too much thought about it ... maybe because I've only attended one wedding ceremony in my life. Though I do watch a ton of wedding movies, don't get me wrong.

All I have is mind is -- hopefully an amazing groom, probably going to be at a Church, and I'd like it in the spring or summer because I just love those seasons. And, I already have a place in mind for that thingy that happens after the ceremony ... the reception? (I've never been to one LOL.) It's this beautiful garden in my city that has a quiant restaurant and outside of it is just gorgeous flowers, ponds, and the like. The Boy took me for my birthday there last year, and there's a set of steps that I told him I could see as steps that a newlywed couple would stand on for pictures (which freaked him out a little, hehe).

 

I could picture there being white and silky open tents (just in case it rains lightly, and if it rains heavily, most of it could be done inside the little restaurant). Since it would be spring/summer, the sun would set a little later and I could just picture watching the sunset while eating dinner, and having a first dance just as the sun starts to fade the stars start to shine ... and that's the extent of my imagination haha. As you can see, no real details haha. *comes back to reality*

Thanks for the questions, ladies! Now I'm off to watch some skating and massage my poor feet ... anyone want to send me some warm, durable winter boots so I don't have to walk in my heeled boots anymore? :( 

Hope you've all had a good week!

And share any wedding experiences you've had so I can feel like I've actually been to more than one! :)

 

therapeutic fridays: those awkward coversations

I'm a little bummed out today, which seems to heavily contrast to all the cheery entries I have to catch up on. A week off from school was desperately needed, but it turned into mixing up the days of the week, to the point where I thought I had two Wednesdays. And I burned my mouth so badly on Monday from incredibly hot coffee that I haven't drunk it since (I know, boo-hoo, I'll live, right?). I don't want to spend this entry complaining because I know I don't have it that bad. 

Instead, I wanted to focus on something that I'm sure everyone goes through at least once in their lifetime: having an uncomfortable conversation. The inspiration came from Kym, who unfortunately is going through one of those situations where an uncomfortable conversation might be necessary. It's a pain in the tush, and most of the times, we don't want to do it. 

Just last week, I dwelled on the future slipping out of my hands ... and it's because I had an uncomfortable conversation, and pretty much failed it. I have to prove to a teacher's college that what I've been studying in uni relates to computer studies, but when I asked the very unfriendly lady on the phone for help and asked multiple questions, she replied with the same things, "Well, if you take a look at our website you can see ..." (yes, I am looking at your website right now and it's not helping me) and things like "If you get a letter from your computer studies department..." (I've already told you, there is no computer studies department). Instead of being polite but assertive, I just admitted defeat, hung up the phone, and bawled for twenty minutes. Pointless, huh?

So now, let's focus on those things that will make the uncomfortable, comfortable. Whether it's personal, business, or needing-to-get-something-from-someone-and-you've-been-waiting-a-while-and-you-want-to-remind-them-without-sounding-like-you're-nagging, hopefully this will help!

1) WRITE IT OUT. 

Find a time where you're not thinking about the topic at hand emotionally but critically. Then write out what you want to say to this person. My sister always gave me this advice when it came to talking to people I didn't necessarily want to talk to: writing it out gets your thoughts in order, and it's a good reference for when you're actually talking to the person.

Just last week my friend had to have an uncomfortable conversation with someone, and wrote out a page of what she wanted to say. And writing it in an notepad like the one on the left might put a little fun into it?

2) FIND A FOCUS.

You don't want to just yell at the person -- you want to pinpoint how you can change what's going on. If you're waiting for something from someone, perhaps say, "I understand we all have busy schedules in our lives, but I was counting on having this by (insert date here) and would greatly appreciate it if you could get that to me." You might not phrase it that exact way, but the key is not to spew fire out at the person. You want to get your point across in a way that will make positive changes happen.

3) PICK A METHOD.

Try to pick a method that works best for both of you when having this conversation. If you're going to talk over the phone, make sure it's during a time where you're not rushed and have time to discuss everything.

If you have to meet in person, try to pick a place you both know, so you don't feel out of your element. Don't be afraid to bust out the notepad (even if it's on your lap), because it shows you're prepared and it's a good thing to reference to make sure you discuss everything.

Another method is definitely e-mail, and sometimes that's the only route you can go. On the down side, you don't really know when that person will respond and it  can make the conversation one-sided, but on the plus side, both parties get to reflect on what has been said and hopefully go for a good solution. Just be clear on what you're saying -- so try to avoid tons of sarcasm. 

4) DON'T BE AFRAID.

You know this conversation needs to happen. Think about why -- is it holding you back in your business/school, is it affecting your relationship with someone, etc -- and then, don't be afraid to bring it up. Chances are, either a) the other person feels some sort of tension and knows that something needs to change or b) the other person is totally unaware and therefore nothing will change unless you bring it up. If you're having second thoughts about making this conversation happen, just think what's the payoff for not having this conversation.

For the teacher's college situation (I will never think of this word the same way thanks to Jersey Shore), I eventually wrote out a 2-page statement clarifing my academic and field experience, and am crossing my fingers that it's enough. I could have given up right after that phone call, but sometimes you have to prove to them that you have what it takes to do what you want to do. Think You've Got Mail, or She's The Man. 

5) GET 'ER DONE ... AND REWARD YOURSELF.

While having this conversation, think resolve not create more tension. Think get it all out without patronizing the person. Think what can we do to change this? and not say it's all your fault (even if it is). And after getting through this conversation, reward yourself with something. Hopefully your confidence will already be boosted by having the courage to make this conversation happen.

I hope this has helped in some way, though I'm sure I've left something out. So I ask you:

Have you ever dealt with an uncomfortable conversation?

And what did you do to make it better?

I'll be answering the Ask Nikolett questions next week in case there's anymore (and I'll actually post it on a Thursday instead of being a total fail like this week, hehe). So ask away and have an amazing weekend!

bags & mousepads & time, oh my!

"Every day brings a chance
for you to draw in a breath,

kick off your shoes, and dance."

One of my least favourite phrases -- that I'm guilty of saying at least once per week -- is "I don't have enough time." In reality, I have tons of time, but our society operates in such a way that we need to feel busy all the time. We multitask instead of concentrating on one thing.  The Internet is just one example: we're reading blogs, tweeting, going on Youtube, and the latest thing, Google Buzz (seriously? what is this?). We become so distracted by so many tasks that things begin to lose meaning. 

When was the last time you just read a book, on your couch, for a good couple of hours? I know, you have work, or school, or things with friends/family. But make that time to just concentrate on one thing, at least once a month, if not once a week (or, if you can manage it, once a day). For me, that moment would be turning on my music and dancing. Or sharing a good conversation with someone without looking at a cell phone. Just draw in a breath, and relaxing. 

There's some short therapeutic Thursday for you right there! And now, giveaway winners!

Thanks to making a nice hand-written list and random.org, here are the two winners! And in about one-two weeks I'll have another giveaway, just need to get something ready first!

The winner of the La Boheme bag is #10:
Jaime! Congrats!

I might do another one of these bag giveaways because it seemed like a lot of you could use one :)

And the winner of the memo mousepad is:

Krissy! Yay!

Please e-mail me at betterthancoffee@gmail.com with your address information so you can claim your prize! And don't fret, awesome followers -- more giveaways to come. I have a bit of exciting news (nothing huge, just something exciting) that I want to involve in a future giveaway, so stay tuned for that. 

Now, it's my official week off from school, so I'm off to relax.

What are you looking forward to this weekend? :)

And remember:

{image found via weheartit.com}

therapeutic thursday: friday edition

Yesterday, I felt the furthest thing from relaxed, the complete opposite of calm. Thoughts of the future usually puts me into hysterics, because I feel like I need to have everything in its place, everything determined. The thought that someone else's decision will impact the rest of my life ... it frightens me. But sometimes, you have to let go. By the end of the night I felt happier, more relaxed. Not necessarily carefree, but realizing I don't have to be in control of everything all the time. Because in reality, all I can control are my choices, my reactions to things. 

In the spirit of being therapeutic, here is a list of things that help me when I've got all Psycho Crazy. I call it the Things That Help Me When I'm Psycho Crazy list (very original, eh?). 

Put away the tissues, hide the box of delicious cookies, and try to find ways to relax that will make you feel better about yourself rather than wallowing in self-pity (of course, we all have those days, but this is a more positive list, y'see).

1) HUGS. When I had a bit of a breakdown yesterday on campus, I went to see The Boy after his class in need of one thing: a hug. Sometimes, just having someone show you they care is enough. And if you don't happen to have anyone nearby, virtual hugs are just as good. You might not have arms actually wrapped around you, but knowing that someone from a distance cares about you is comforting (I'm looking at you, Little Tiara and Andhari, who offered me virtual hugs from afar). Even Darth Vader needs hugs.

2) WORKING OUT ... followed by a bubble bath. I know, working out is torturous. Especially at the gym, right? So work out at home. Find some online exercise videos (ones at Exercisetv.tv and the Beach Bum series are some of my favourites). Those trainers won't judge you, they'll just do a quick 10-minute workout using your own body weight. Working out is one of my best ways to just forget about things and concentrate on being healthy. And though I'm not the biggest fans of baths, a bubble bath is a great way to just relax after all that working out you just did!

 

3) MUSIC. Followed by dancing. Music is one of those indescribeable gifts of life. To be able to put feelings into beautiful words, accompanied by tones and instruments ... whether you like listening to soft tracks that soothe the soul or screamo to shout out the pain (whatever floats your boat!), I find music to be one of the most relaxing things you can do when you're stressed out.And dancing your heart out helps, too.

4) HOT CHOCOLATE. Followed by sleeping. Instead of devouring a whole pint of ice cream/box of chocolates/(insert your food of choice here), have some hot cocoa. It's warm, so it will soothe you, and it's still got that chocolatey goodness. Alternative: some tea, either herbal or regular. Also amazing. And of course, SLEEP. It might be hard to shut out the thoughts that make you stressed, but after the first three things and realizing that tomorrow is a new day (carpe diem and all that), hopefully you'll rest easier.

Annnd, a last one, inspired by Manju: 

5) MAKING A CHANGE ... like a haircut. I'm getting a haircut today, to get rid of the split ends and hopefully look good for the ball I'm going to tonight. There's something so relaxing about having someone massage your hair and then cut it ... taking a little load off, making your head a little lighter to think about other things. It doesn't have to be a big change. It can be something like adding one cup of water to your daily routine, or deciding to cut out one Starbucks drink a week and putting that extra $5 towards something you're looking forward to if you're strapped for cash. Just try to make one change that will help you, not hurt you.

So, what helps you when you feel yourself going nutsy crazy psycho lady?

And if you never have, I salute you and want to learn your secrets.

Last but not least, I want to thank Sarah from Class and Coffee for this amazing award:

This definitely makes me feel simply fabulous, haha. Thank you!!
The rules require me to blog about a woman who I think is fabulous. This woman can be someone I know in real life, a celebrity, or a fictional character. Then, I must pass the award on to five other fabulous bloggers.

There were honestly three people who came to mind: first, one of my closest friends who has dealt with so much but still keeps strong; I admire her so much. Secondly is my Mom, who is amazing and plays video games while still keeping the house in good order, working a job, and caring for her family.

But I knew the one woman who is the most fabulous is: my sister, Margarita. The name of her blog itself shows that: Ramblings of a Fab Brunette.

Apart from being fabulous, she's one of the most generous people I know. She doesn't give herself enough credit, methinks. She'll always be the one to send an amazing card through the mail, one who will take care of a poor sister with expensive books (thank you!), and who has gone through so many changes in her life. She's gotten to experience and see so many things in life, that I could only imagine about or dream of.

She was the one who got me into webdesign and Adobe Photoshop. I was the one who loved Spice Girls before her, but we bonded over our love for Posh Spice. And now, my sister is a bit like Posh Spice herself. She has a great man, an amazing daughter (even though Posh has sons), a fabulous sense of style, and a heart of gold.

And I hope you don't mind that I just rambled about you for three paragraphs, sis (tee-hee). The pictures from the right are some of my fave recent memories including singing Aerosmith's Don't Wanna Miss A Thing for my parents' 25th anniversary. I miss you!

Now, I'd like to pass this on to some other fabulous ladies: LiLu from LivitLuvit, Carla from Girl With The Golden Touch, Mayra from Life is Bananas, Erika from Cafe Fashionista, Jessica from Alright, Still, annnd I suppose my sister, too haha.

I hope you all have an amazing weekend!

I'm headed to a ball tonight, so expect pictures soon!

therapeutic thursdays: what is beauty?

People find beauty all over the place. And many mistake beauty for 'perfection', that something needs to be (what our society thinks) is perfect in order to have any beauty whatsoever. Back in first year, I had a Multimedia class where we had to take scans from magazines and create something new out of it. As I was flipping through my magazines (issues of Cosmopolitan, Teen Vogue, Seventeen) I realized that so many images of "beauty" are presented that can really skew us. And this is what I came up with:

Kind of terrifying, isn't it? And the lady on the left completely reminds me of Heidi Montag -- the girl who turned into a plastic blow-up doll after getting ten surgery procedures done in one day.

There's nothing wrong with being skinny or being sexy, but I think society promotes it to a point where we only think of our shortcomings -- what's "wrong" with us, and, how can we solve it? Usually it involves spending our money on some promise that we can be beautiful in someone's eyes.

But first, we need to work on being beautiful in our own eyes. Not be self-absorbed, but realize that we are beautiful.

When I was a child, I got a third-degree burn on my thigh that I still have to this day. I've always been so self-conscious of it, covering myself up on the beach because people would look at it otherwise.

Until I realized -- imperfections don't have to be classified as 'ugly.' Since meeting The Boy, I've finally worn an actual bikini bottom instead of shorts or a skirt on top, my scar still on display. But for once, I don't mind.

And looking outside ourselves, beauty can really be found everywhere. Looking at a garden of flowers, watching a sunset, seeing two friends bearhugging each other because they haven't seen each other in so long. Waking up in the morning and seeing the person you love right next to you. Seeing someone smile.

We all have different definitions of beauty. 

What is yours? 

Which column matters more to you?

This scene from Love Actually is a classic.

To be loved by someone -- just the way you are.

*sigh*

{Let's just ignore that whole part where he's in love with a married woman, mmkay?}

Now, I don't want to be cliche and say:

Because, of course, most people are attracted to

someone physically before the emotional aspect sets in.

What I'm trying to say is: don't let society define what beauty is for you,

or let it determine if you're beautiful or not.

Find it for yourself :)

Today, Andhari talks about it being "Lingerie Day" in the twitter-verse ... another way of exploiting boobs and butts. Why not cover yourself in some pink fabric for Project Barbie instead? And of course, that doesn't mean we have to become Barbie, because her dimensions are psychotic. It's just a way to dress up and unleash your beauty.

But yes. I know this is a bit of a deeper topic, but questions of what beauty really is seems to pop up almost daily. And Heidi's recent surgery scared the crap outta me (if you haven't seen the pictures yet ... don't, hehe). Just something to think about, and hopefully something that will relax you -- you don't have to be what everyone wants you to be. Be your own beauty, be yourself. :)

And join my giveaway? (oh, shameless plugs.)

Hope you'll all have a great start to your weekend!

P.S. If you want a more lighthearted Thursday after reading this, definitely check out LivitLuvit's TMI Thursdays (though some of them are pretty serious, too)!

therapeutic thursdays: ask nikolett

It's almost the weekend, and all I'm thinking about is schoolwork and stress and just wanting to see Leap Year already. But I'm also thinking about your questions! About half of them had to do with advice, while the other half were personal questions about me. So I'm going to divide it into two sections, whoopah!

Welcome to the first edition of Ask Nikolett!

I'm no Oprah or an advice columnist, but I do have a whole lot of coffee in my system and I am taking an Oprah seminar, so I'm slowing learning her ways (bwahaahaha). But here goes with your questions :) Hopefully you find the answers therapeutic and if not then, umm ... ...

So in your opinion after a bad break up, how do you get your heart back in line with your head? - Witty

It's hard, that's for sure. Everyone around you keeps telling you so many different things (there's plenty of fish in the sea, 'he/she was a jerk anyways') until there's so much going on in your head. Your heart, on the other hand, is still damaged. According to Sex and the City (I think), it takes you twice as long as your relationship to get over someone. I don't think it's necessarily true, but it does take a while to sort through the thoughts in your head before you can even begin to fix the heart.

In my opinion, it all came down to realizing what went wrong, what caused the break-up. Instead of focusing on all the great things (oh, but he/she was so good to me!) I thought about what we did, on both our parts, to cause the relationship to go sour. Then, I try to work on the heart. It's hurt, because of all the things you've put it through ... but once you realize that you're most likely better off without this person, your heart can begin to mend. Tell yourself you deserve better (because you do!), and you'll believe it. And then, your heart can start to believe it.

Assuming that time (lots of time) isn't healing this particular wound, how do you get over a great lost love? -notthatkindofgirlblog

OK, so I put these two questions next to each other for a reason. Because I don't believe you can ever really get over a lost love. You can realize that maybe you weren't great for each other, and maybe you'll find that next person who makes you so much happier, but there will always be wounds there from previous lost loves. I don't think it's necessarily a matter of trying to heal the wound, but to get to that point where you don't mind that it's there. It's a battle scar, something you got through that hopefully made you stronger in the end.

Instead of focusing on how much time has gone by or about the person who caused that wound, though, just think about how much your life has changed since you got that wound. Our minds always tend to go back to the people in our past to the point where it can be hard to completely forget that person, but just remember that things happened for a reason, and be happier today about where you are.

My question is... well, my boyfriend is flushing out the gophers from the yard, but I think gophers are so adorable, how do I stop him from doing that? And if I do stop him from flushing out the gophers, how do I make the gophers leave? - Cheryl

I simultaneously laughed out loud and went "aww" at this question. And then it reminded me of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets when the Weasley brothers flung out gnomes from their backyard by whipping them over the fence. But yes. Apparently, you can pour some undiluted liquid Lysol concentrate into their tunnels they go away...they don't like that smell at all. As well, fencing in the area is the best way to get rid of gophers (according to this site). And on the single comment on that site, the girl recommends getting a pet to poop in gopher holes. But if you don't have a pet, I'd suggest getting your boyfriend to poop in the holes as a payback for him flushing them out like that. Karma is a biatch? But yes, I just spend the last 15 minutes researching gophers, and I hoped that helped somewhat. Good luck!

You forget you have a date with a real hot guy, in 5 minutes. You haven't showered, brushed your teeth, shaved ( LOL) and prepared clothes to wear, what do you do?- Andhari

Instead of having a major panic attack and/or cancelling the date (which I think would be the most common answer to this), I would say -- make sure you brush your teeth (that way, even if you don't look your nicest, at least you have amazing breath and can impress him with your hot make-out skills). Next, I'd suggest buying dry shampoo, that way your hair can at least look a little less greasy. Next: wear pants and a shirt that won't reveal your armpit hairs. To find this, I'd say either go into your closet and look for your favourite go-to outfit or run to the laundry room (if you have one) and grab whatever is clean (and dry!). Finally, wear deodorant and spritz on your favourite perfume to mask any odour. If you still have a few extra seconds and you happen to have a bare face, I'd say just put on some moisturizer and your favourite lipgloss. Et voila! ... hopefully that takes 5 minutes.

TWO OTHER OPTIONS: You can be a girl who makes the guy wait half an hour for you. But he might be more impressed that you got ready in less than five minutes. Or, you can make sure your date is in a dark area with lots of smelly candles (ooh la la).

-- Okay, I just rambled hardcore. Now onto the 'personal' questions, which were pretty random and I love them.

As for my question, this is cliche, but I want to know where you see yourself 10 years from now :) - krissy

Hopefully alive and still enjoying my coffee addiction, haha. It's so weird trying to picture myself as a 31-year old ... not because it's old, but because so much can happen in your 20s, methinks. Hopefully I'll be with someone who I love and who loves me, and maybe enjoying a steady, happy career and having a wee little one running around in my backyard full of an amazing garden and a gazebo (I love gazebos). Might be a cliche answer, but it's true :)

What are some qualities about yourself that you really love....and how do you think you attained them? {...experience..just in your nature...or someone gave you huge words of wisdom once that you took to heart}- Iva

Oh wow ... umm, I guess I like the idea that I've able to do so many things at once. I don't mean multi-task, but just that I try to do so many hobbies (graphics design, writing, playing instruments, etc). I think I've gotten that from my mom, who can be knitting, cooking, and playing video games all in one day. And I've started to appreciate how sensitive I can be ... my friend told me that it's not bad that I'm sensitive to things in life, because it makes me more understanding, plus I can try to help others out. Hence ... ask Nikolett? Haha.  

If your boyfriend asks you to buy a lingerie and surprise him, what kind will you buy? Explain. - Andhari

So-so-so scandalous! (5 points to whoever knows that song.) Interestingly enough, when The Boy went away for a month for vacation, he missed my birthday. When he came back, he had a present for me: my first set of lingerie. Since then, I've just bought myself slips that are comfy. But if I were to go on a lingerieque shopping spree, I'd choose anything with lace, a little femininity (and absolutely no leather), and nothing with a thong. I'm sorry, I know the guys love it, but it just hurts my bum-oley. 

I find that something on the left breaks the stereotype of black-and-red lingerie, plus it shows off the cleavage while still leaving a little to the imagination. Plus, it'd be comfy while still giving off a sexy flair.

And I've found that looking at lingerie websites in a student center is probably not the best idea -- LOTS of stares from people walking by. And on that note ...

How long have you and the boy been dating? - Nicole

One year and 8 months. It'll be two years in May, though it feels like it's been longer (and I mean that in a good way!).

Do you think that life exists on other planets?- Manju

I adore you, Manju. I do believe that at least one person lives on each planet. For example, I think Sailor Saturn lives on Saturn until she came to earth because she realized it was too cold on her home planet. And Sailor Pluto came because well ... her living area is no longer declared a 'planet' (poor thing).

In all honesty, I'd like to think there would be some other species (whether it's human or otherwise) on other planets in some distant galaxy. I've watched too much sci-fi TV shows and movies to not have some suspcision that there might be. 

What is your absolute favorite activity? - Ocean Dreams

This. Is. So. Hard. My absolute favourite? Would probably be ... being with people. Not necessarily physically, but in any aspect. That's not to say I don't cherish my alone time, because I do. But I like having relationships with people. Talking with people on the blogosphere has been amazing, talking on the phone with The Boy is always a favourite time of day, and being with friends makes me happy. I love having that connection, so any time I get to be with someone is a favourite activity.

You could pick 3 celebrities to have sexy times with and your boyfriend isn't allowed to complain, who would you choose? - Andhari {I'll answer your other ones next time!}

When I read this question to my boyfriend, he replied with, "Please don't tell me who you choose" (since I know he'll secretly compare himself to them). But he didn't complain about me choosing, so here goes:

Henry Cavill, Matthew Goode, and Jensen Ackles/Tom Welling.

Henry for: his accent, his smirk, and his body (unf at that first Tudors episode)!

Matthew for: his charm, his accent, and his goofy expressions.

Jensen/Tom: for their shirtlessness. And being super(natural) and super(man).

Thanks for asking all these questions! Please let me know if you like this little installment -- I'll probably be doing it once a month if you do ... or umm, once a year if you don't.

Hope you've found these answers either therapeutic or laugh-worthy (because laughing is therapy, haha).

And be happy: the weekend is almost here!

a case of the mondays

I almost peed myself on the bus when a woman came and sat next to me in the two-seater and it sunk so low that I swear I thought it would break. Thankfully, it didn't. My simple smile of the week (that I didn't pee myself)? LOL. My simple smile actually comes in the form of this weekend - I had an amazing sleepover with The Boy followed by a nice walk the next day where he bought me an Islands calendar, featuring various islands from all over the world -- which will only feed my daydreaming.

After that, me and my friends meant to see Leap Year, and even bought tickets 2 hours in advance. And then spent the next 1 1/2 hours at Wendy's, eating and laughing. But once we got to the theatre half an hour in advance, we realized they gave our movie the tiniest theatre that fit maybe 75 people, whereas the bigger theatre got Avatar (which of course was sold out. AGAIN). So there was no room for us 4 to sit together unless we went in the very front row and craned our necks. We didn't want neck problems (and I already have them), so we returned our tickets, opted to go next weekend, and instead played pool ... where I got my ass kicked. But it was such a fun weekend.

I wish reading my textbooks would make me fly like that.
{image found via Tumblr}

Now, I've got a case of the Mondays. So many group presentations, meetings, a thesis proposal, papers, readings, and all of it is taking over my life. But, I'm trying to remain relaxed and therapeutic (teehee).

So, on that note:

Ask your questions!

Whether it's about relationships, friendships, school, exercise, problems, what have you.
 I'm no Agony Aunt, but I'll try my best to answer your questions :)

By the way ... it can either be questions about yourself, as in advice questions,
Or you can ask questions about me ... whatever floats your boat!

You could ask your questions in the comments below, or if it's a bit more personal/you want it anonymous, you can ask at betterthancoffee@gmail.com. Whatever questions I get, I'll answer 'em on Thursday! And ... if no one participates then umm ... I shall make up questions to make myself feel better ;)

And after you ask me any questions, could you answer this one:

What's your cure for a case of the Mondays? (besides sleeping until Tuesday)

Hope you all had a great weekend! :)

much-needed therapy ...

When I think of being 'therapeutic', I picture those movies where people blast some Enya while doing impossible yoga positions. Instead, for this first week of therapeutic Thursdays, I'm going to think about the steps to being in that relaxed state. If you follow me on Twitter, you'll see that my tweets today have been less than positive (pretty much just ranting about university). Whether you're in university, have a job, or just wondering what's next ... the one thing that seems to come to mind are worries.

Well, my advice is:

Forget about it! ... at least for now.

Worrying tends to produce anxiety, negativity, self-criticism, and puts yourself off from making any of your dreams come true. It might be hard to think of any kind of dream or goal coming true -- so many obstacles, so many risks, so much debt or lack of money. It's enough to make you want to rip off all of your fingernails (or whatever bad habit you might have). But try to be a half-cup-full kind of person.**

Society tells us that in order to have any kind of mark on the world, we have to be productive. It turns us into these fast-paced machines that feel like all of our worth comes out of doing something. And then we worry about not doing enough. It's this endless cycle of self-destruction.

Are you a Nietzsche, a Kant, or a Sinatra?

Regardless -- just give yourself time to relax.

We're so hard on ourselves all the time, constantly beating ourselves up for what we can't accomplish -- and sometimes beating ourselves up for things we have accomplished. Instead, just think about your life now. You've gotten to where you are for a reason. You've made a series of choices, and you will continue to. But instead of worrying about it, just focus on the things you want. It will inspire you, it will motivate you. Surround yourself with the people you love. They will comfort you. They will give you hugs when you need them most (except for when you're sick, then they might avoid you like the plague. Sorry).

No matter how busy you are right now -- and you can't be too busy since you're reading this novel  (teehee) -- I want you to just close your eyes, and picture yourself in your ideal place. That place that makes you feel comfy, that makes you feel at home. A place where you can totally be yourself. And your goal? To try to be at that place at least once a month, once a week, even once a day. A place where you can just relax, without worry. A place where it doesn't matter how busy your day might be ... because, at that moment, you're happy.

For some, it could just be lying in bed (I don't blame you!) ...

Or playing/listening to your favourite music at any place ...

 

Maybe it's lying on a comfy couch with your lover ...

Or your favourite pet by your side to comfort you while you watch TV ...

Maybe it could be spending time with friends that mean most to you ...

Or being able to just talk to someone you love ...

Maybe it's anywhere with coffee (mmm) or yummy food ...

Or any place you can curl up with a good book ...

Or maybe it's wandering around a forest in a gorgeous dress with Smurf/Avatar people ...

Umm, I mean, maybe it could be using your imagination! Hehe.

So your 'mission' for today: 

Picture that ideal place.

Tell me what it is in the comments.

And then try to make it happen.

And enjoy some soothing relaxation :)

 In a few days, I'll be asking for questions for next week's Therapeutic Thursdays, so keep those in mind, too! No pressure, though :) Have a beautiful start to your weekend!

** I meant for that to say 'cup-half-full' person ... but it came out this way, and Aubrey liked it, so I am keeping it that way! Haha :)

{All pictures found via Tumblr and Weheartit.com}